Do you ever notice the connections that run through your life? Some are major – can’t miss them. Some are so small, so infinitesimal, it would take a magnifying glass to locate them. In my mind, I think in shapes or pictures or typeset words. The connections I am referring to look like circles. Like a Venn diagram; in the left circle are facts having to do with A. In the right circle are facts associated with B. Where the circles cross in the middle sit the facts that are related to both. My life is just a sweeping chain of circles, one connecting to the next and drifting off perpetually. (I wonder if everyone sees these?)
The first circle: I was talking with a wise friend, and a point that came up in our discussion was fear of death. I told her I often wake up in the night and the first thought that flits across my consciousness is, “I’m running out of time… I am going to blink and my life will be over…” Yikes! I think it is the time thing, more than the act of dying, that bothers me the most. Well, to be honest, the thought of dying bothers me too, but that’s a whole other Venn diagram.
Second circle, sitting in the doctor’s office, done with the blood pressure, advice about lower back muscle spasms, prescriptions, etc., and we are talking books. I only see her once or twice a year, but we always manage to fit in this conversation. Last summer when I was in for traveler’s tummy meds in anticipation of my trip to Bali, she suggested Eat, Pray, Love. I read it and enjoyed it (especially the eat part). When I got to Bali I found the Balinese were hating on the book because a slew of single women had descended on the island, looking for you know what. It was a little embarrassing to walk the street alone, and I definitely avoided eye contact with any males!
But back to this year’s visit. She says, “The Book Thief is a young adult book, a little off-putting at first, because the narrator is Death, but after a bit I think you will be really pulled in.”
Great. Here I am, freaking out about death, and I am committed to reading a book narrated by him (always, in my mind, a him).
It was hard to read the first chapter or two. Very sad. But then it got easier. It was consistently sad, but there were joyful moments, too. Quite like what life must have been, living in Germany in the midst of WWII. I’ve not read much about what existence was for the German citizens who did not support the Nazi party. It had to have been incredibly difficult, following your conscience but not allowing it to show. Being German citizens, they were conscripted whether they wanted to fight or not. They had to “Heil Hitler” and “Sieg Heil” when appropriate, and as the bombs fell, the innocents were killed along with the guilty.
I rather made friends with Death in this story. He was just doing his job, gathering souls, in a very eloquent way. Though narrated by Death, the story is about a young girl, Liesel, who can neither read nor write when the story begins. Death says about her, “…the words were on their way, and when they arrived, Liesel would hold them in her hands like the clouds, and she would wring them out like rain.” He often used color to describe emotions, like “the yellow of burning newspaper.” Another moment of very moving description, “The last time I saw her was red. The sky was like soup, boiling and stirring. In some places, it was burned. There were black crumbs, and pepper, streaked across the redness.” The pictures were vividly created in my imagination.
The book I recommended to my doctor was Traveling with Pomegranates: A Mother-Daughter Story by Sue Monk Kidd and Ann Kidd Taylor. I enjoyed The Mermaid Chair and The Secret Life of Bees, so I was pleased to find this non-fiction story by Kidd, which was also a pleasure to read. It’s the combined memories of mother and daughter, each taking a chapter in turn, while they are in the throes of change in their lives and relationship: daughter coming of age and mother moving into the “crone” phase.
photo by Scott Taylor
Which is a crossroads I find myself at, making my Venn diagram into a triad. My once baby girl is grown up, and now has a baby girl of her own (which she generously shares with me!). I find being a grandmother delightful. I was amazingly and instantly in love, and that love grows by the day. At three and a half weeks, I know she recognizes me, and has a secret little smile just for grandma. We have our own, special songs that quiet her when she is fussy, and when she looks at me with those big, blue, eyes, I see a beautiful relationship growing and blossoming. While there are things I look forward to with her, I am also enjoying every minute without feeling the need to rush. I am lucky to see her almost every day, and when a day passes that I don’t, there is the ache of something missing. I also like not having to get up five times in the night to feed her!
The book I just finished had to do with death, too. Is there a theme here? Not on purpose, I guarantee. Her Fearful Symmetry by A. Niffenegger is a ghost story, which came as a total surprise to me. I had no idea it was a ghost story when I picked it up at the library, attracted by its cover and the familiar name of the author. I enjoyed it, though it was sad, but that’s life, isn’t it? I went back and checked out The Time Traveler’s Wife which I haven’t read yet. And you notice the header on this blog has a picture of a cemetery? I find cemeteries particularly picturesque (whatever that says about me!). This story takes place, in a large part, in Highgate Cemetery in London. From the New York Times book review:
In the second half of the 19th century, Londoners enjoyed a form of recreation that today might seem grisly: a Sunday stroll through one of the vast graveyards beyond the city center. The new burial grounds were established to move corpses out of the metropolitan churchyards, where they had contaminated the groundwater; these cemeteries were at once gardens, social centers and museums of statuary, a sort of theme park bristling with monuments to lost loves and individual hubris. They ultimately bore the same message one might hear in church: No matter how we try, our human endeavors end in death. It was not uncommon to find a family picnicking among the headstones.
Highgate Cemetery, which opened in 1839, is perhaps the most famous of these parklands and a popular tourist attraction now. It is home to the remains of Karl Marx, Radclyffe Hall, Michael Faraday and the Pre-Raphaelite model Elizabeth Siddal Rossetti, among many other luminaries.
Since the story is about a ghost, it seems to me it could squeak into the Once Upon a Time Challenge, in the fantasy category.
More reading (something unrelated to death and cemeteries, I think), more writing, more time with Teagan. I’ve decided sleep just has to go. Such a waste of time! I suppose that will catch up with me sooner or later, though.
5 thoughts on “The Venn Diagram of My Brain”
We have been operating on similar thought parallels lately — I seem to go through this around spring near the anniversary of my Mom’s death (and a dear friend’s as well) and in fact just started working on a post for that day. And I think with what sometimes feels like increasingly fragile health, I look at those days speeding by so very quickly, hoping I can be around for a whole lot longer and with enough gumption and good will to enjoy it when the going gets rough.
And lately, several close friends and family members are dealing with serious cancers in various stages. That’s creepy and sad and I don’t want to say goodbye to another person.
I’m always intrigued with WWII stories and this one sounds good. I’ll have to check it out.
What do we DO with our days? There’s that thing called work that lets us have some resources. That a good 8-10 hours. And having a home life and doing the things that come with that (most of which I want to do). And then trying to cram in blogging (my passion because it’s about the only time I get to write) and art (going to an art retreat next week — it will give me forced creative time, even if I have to pay for it!), just BEING. Sometimes I feel so schizophrenic — I have to do it all. Then the Gypsy sits on my lap and I can’t knit or hold a book very well. I slow down. And it’s nice. But that’s what pet therapists are for!
Ah yes, Jeanie, pet therapy. I am a great believer, and indulger! They bug me to take them for walks, pretending it is for them, when really it is just what I need!
And an art retreat!? Sounds wonderful and just what the doctor ordered. It’s not good to be schizophrenic all the time. Take good care of yourself – you’ve had enough illness and injury to last for awhile; with spring upon us, it is time to be out and enjoy.
Thanks for visiting 🙂
Venn diagrams. Now I have a name for the funniest social media image possible. You can find it here. Enough said. It’s truly funny.
I don’t think in circles myself, although I often go in circles because I’m not disciplined or organized enough. And, I’m easily distracted. I just learned I have a synthesizing brain. I can’t remember where I found that bit of information, but I remember when I ran across the concept I had a moment of instant recognition.
I don’t think about death much, possibly because I’ve been through it a few times in my life and came back ok. I like to believe it will be the same in the “final end”. I’m a big believer in resurrection rather than immortality, so death is sort of a necessary first step.
What I worry about is lack of time. I’m constantly thinking, “OK. I have maybe 20 good years left. What am I going to do with them?” Good grief. I don’t even know what I’m going to do with today. But it needs thinking about. The past ten days I’ve been more sensitive to the issue than every before – terrible vertigo struck and I discovered I have a torn rotator cuff. Neither’s good news for someone who varnishes boats!
But, both are resolving and aren’t big problems. There just there – little reminders, little mementos mori.
Oh – I don’t mean to run on, but the comment about color and emotion is interesting, too. Have you ever known a person with true synesthesia? I know a women who consistently sees different letters as different colors. When she reads a book, it’s like looking at a rainbow. But they’re consistent. “B” is always green, etc. Our sense are amazing.
Your Venn diagram is so funny – and so accurate! I really laughed – and I will have to show my kids.
And where in the world did the vertigo come from? How odd – you’ve never suffered it before? A torn rotator cuff is definitely no fun. Were you playing baseball? hmmmmmmmm. Maybe this is a sign: you are supposed to be writing full time now, not varnishing. Sounds lovely to me!!
I had never heard of synesthesia before…. but it would appear I have some form of a synthesizing brain, too. Food for thought.
I am trying very hard not to worry about time – living in the moment 100% is, apparently, the key.
Awwww….its a baby!!! 🙂 Great picture!
I love having people in my life to talk books with. Recently one of my former co-workers, who always asked about what I was reading whenever we would bump into each other, passed away and although I only saw her once or twice a year, I really miss that.
I’ve heard wonderful things about The Book Thief but have yet to snag my wife’s copy to read it. I thought Her Fearful Symmetry was well written though I didn’t particularly enjoy it as I wasn’t fond of many of the characters. Time Traveler’s Wife, on the other hand, I adored. Niffenegger is a very talented writer, I wish she would manage to crank out books a little faster!
It certainly is easy to think about how fast time is passing and how we are running out of time. The trick is of course to let that be enough of a motivational factor that you enjoy each individual day for what it is but not let it be so much of a factor that you find yourself running bat-out-of-hell to try to cram a bunch of “living” in. Not always sure how to stay in that middle ground, but I keep trying.
I am doing my darnedest to do just that! Thanks for stopping by, Carl.
Love the picture of Grandmother and Grandbaby! What a wonderful thing to see her every day and share that secret smile. Bliss. Keep those pictures and anecdotes coming.
As for “Symmetry,” I purchased it unwittingly and for some reason unaware that it’s ghostly but then studying the cover here in your blog, of course! It makes sense – it’s all finger-y and ghostly looking. Ah, well, I’ll give it a whirl. It’s rare I have a haredcover book and that’s a treat in and of itself. Guess I”ll pass on the Book Thief. Wonder what you’ll think of the TIME TRAVELER’S WIFE? Look forward to hearing, of course!
Hi OH! Haven’t dipped into the Time Traveler’s Wife yet… it is still next to the bed, however. Just finished the “night job” so I will have more time for reading and writing now…. as well as baby rocking time! I never sit still and do nothing but rock, so this is really something. Very calming and relaxing. More pics to come. 🙂
Dear Q, Come on over and check out my book giveaway. No strings, no tricks – just a little fun (in terms of the comment you would make about spending a day as your fave fictional character. And if you win, you get something to read while rocking that dear little grandbaby!!!
Oh! Thanks for the great invite…. I’ll be there in a minute…. right after I change this diaper!