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Free to Fly

June 20, 2008

June 16, 2008

I don’t relax very often. I am driven by my German, Lutheran, middleclass, ancestral work ethic, background. The preparation for this trip has been very different from all other trips I have taken. I have purposely prepared as little as possible. This may sound odd, but it was training for me. I had made the decision to change something: a way of living/functioning that has always been me. I wanted to be a person who could live calmly without being in complete control, letting things happen as they would without me micro-managing. So I gave myself permission to be free from an over-responsible sense of the requirement to make everything “perfect” for this trip. This was very difficult for me, but I found that once I made the decision to let go, it was quite liberating. Relaxing would be a good descriptor, but also a little scary.

I had other things on my plate the past couple months, so I had decided I wasn’t going to stress myself out over getting ready for a vacation (for heaven’s sake!). I purchased the plane tickets, arranged the car rental, reserved the apartment/hotel, and that was it. No research, no maps, no historical books from the library, no nothing. I just wanted to go. And here I am, the morning of my departure, sitting at The Humboldt Cafe drinking my morning cappucino, and writing. I did a little editing on my WIP, made a list of last minute packing items, and began writing this post. I am so proud of myself. Every now and then I have to say to the little devil on my left shoulder, “I am not lazy, I am not lazy, I am not lazy.”

Of course, the preparation (or lack of) for this vacation is just one vehicle for my transition to a different plane of living. It is all about letting go of the outcomes of my own actions. Instead, I want to be placing my energy in “the effort.” Focusing on effort, or action, will hopefully enable me to be fully present to what I am engaged in without regard to worrying about outcome. I have found that this new-found sense of freedom has also enhanced my self-control. It has freed me to gain control over my life without guilt or fear of reprisal by people, places, or things. Does that make sense? I am not there 100%, but I am working on it.

Gradually, would the wise one,
Bit by bit, moment by moment
Blow out the stain that is one’s own,
Like a smith the stain of silver.

The Dhammapada. XVIII. 239

Taking off.

June 19, 2008

Well, that was Monday, and here we are Thursday, in Galway after Dublin. Lovely, with a wee bit of rain here and there.

Sinead has been taking photos:

This is the water, one of four ingredients, that makes Guinness what it is!

Doors in Dublin

Dublin Castle garden

That would be herself, with her son leading the way through the garden.

Did a bird shite on my head? No, just a drop of water.

A door to St. Audoen’s. Oldest existing church in Dublin; original building from 1190.

Tomorrow’s another day.

8 Comments leave one →
  1. June 22, 2008 9:33 pm

    Beautiful doors and inspiring door colors. Love the periwinkle especially.

  2. June 25, 2008 10:33 pm

    Oh qugrainne,

    I do love this piece – not that I’m driven by any work ethic (quite the opposite), but I DO like to be ‘in control.’ On trips I have a tendency to start weeks in advance planning on what to take (and now with all the airline restrictions, i am in even more of a tizzy!!) Not to mention how my life has been progressing or not over the last year and a half. There have been a number of hard lessons along the way of just ‘letting go’ and letting time do her work – I truly have no control.

    Of course all of this self-realization does not mean that I have become ‘Buddha-like’ in my way of living – calm, happy, stress-free. But ….. at least I am learning that control is illusory; life is sweet and short; and I could learn to stop and ‘smell the roses’ a wee bit more …

    Hoping the trip is / was lovely and sweet! Kudos to you, girlfriend!


  3. June 25, 2008 10:35 pm

    ps – lovely photographs – and I ESPECIALLY love the spirals ……… i might have to ‘thieve’ the image …… 😉


  4. June 25, 2008 10:52 pm

    Nice to hear from you, Lady Blue! By all means, use the photo and give credit to Sinead. Hang in there with “control is illusory” because it surely is. I hope you enjoy your adventure (without the responsibility of little ones!!) too.

  5. June 26, 2008 7:40 pm

    I was attracted to your blog because I was thinking about the relationship between letting go and control. Many, many years ago, I took an improvisation class. One of my teachers said or I twisted her words to say “be present, focus on the relationships in the scene, and let go of the outcome. If you do that the ending will present itself.” When I am struggling with an issue that matters to me, it is usually because I am trying to make the outcome fit into a very narrow range of options. And when I can truly let go of the outcome, the resuls are usually much better than I could have planned. So I trust this vacation will offer you moments that you might not have had if you were focused on the next item on your list. Enjoy your vacation into the unknown.

  6. June 29, 2008 6:40 pm

    Thanks for visiting, 4wrd. It was wonderful, letting go of outcome on this trip. I felt a little nervous, sometimes. My 22 year old son, who lives very much in the moment, kicked me in the butt every time I started to go there. I just have to continue trying to apply the lesson to the rest of my life.

  7. June 30, 2008 7:22 pm

    Someday I will go to Ireland. Loved seeing the old archways, doors and especially the fantastic wrought iron…thanks for the pictures (and for visiting my blog).

  8. July 1, 2008 6:26 pm

    High Desert Diva – thanks to you, too, for visiting. Love your blog and your shop! It is hard to resist putting pictures here…. I could easily get carried away.

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