My relationship with my father was a stereotypical ‘love and hate.’ He had very high expectations for those around him, and I, being the first child, received the focus of those expectations. And I never felt I met them. Now, this may be on me. I have no idea, because he died when I reached adulthood, so we were never able to discuss it. I do know that he never told me I did well, looked good, tried hard enough, or congratulations on a job well done. (My mom told me all of those things, so I didn’t grow up totally warped!) In retrospect, I suspect a disappointment in his own accomplishments fueled his drive to drive me.
I did not gain a level of confidence in myself until long after he was gone, and I was in the process of nurturing the egos of my own children. It was at that point my self-esteem took off, and I haven’t looked back since. There were various building blocks along the way, and it was with very conscious effort and plan that I built that confidence.
So here we are at the Write on Wednesday prompt for the week:
Are you ever assailed with self-doubt about your writing ability, or about the reasons for writing at all? Do you “follow yourself around nagging and suggesting and complaining”? What are some of the negative things your Editor tells you? What could your Editor say to be more encouraging? How do you encourage yourself to keep practicing the craft of writing?
There are quite a few questions you asked us, Becca!
Which brings me back to my father, and why I mentioned him in the first place. He said many things to me, at the most appropriate times. One piece of advice he gave me was, “You can do anything you want.” Wow. For someone who never said, “nice job,” that sure was a vote of confidence! But I took the advice to heart, and went with it. And I have done pretty much everything I wanted to do, once I truly made the decision to do it. That was the key, I found. You can’t just say, I want to be the mayor, and then sit back and wait for it to happen. But if you say that, come up with a plan for doing it, enlist the people you need to help you, set to work, and work really, really hard at it, anything is possible. And in the long run, maybe you won’t be elected mayor, but what you learn, the people you meet, the things you accomplish on the way, might just turn out to be the goal you were reaching for, to begin with.
I started out, as a child, thinking I would grow up to be a writer and an artist. A bunch of people told me my work was crap on the way to being an adult, and I believed them. Once I found myself, however, I realized it didn’t matter what they said, and I decided I could do anything I wanted. So if you ask me today, and what do you do? Writer and artist will be in the list.
Queries for the first book I wrote have come back rejected, but I am undaunted. I just need to work harder, practice more, and get some advice. I love writing. When I am not writing on paper, I am writing in my mind. I could write all day. I could write for a job, if someone would pay me! I don’t need prompting because I enjoy the process and that is reason enough to continue. I think that is the best reason to continue.
For encouragement, I try to stay focused on positive thought, and just have fun. I try to look at the positives and not the negatives. My son sometimes points out that I am positive almost to the point of being a little crazy. His grandma always told him not to expect much, because then you won’t be disappointed. I laugh at that. If I expect a lot, I enjoy myself along the way, and very often find that what I wish for or expect is what I get! My cup isn’t just half-full, it is overflowing!
In Cheryl Richardson’s newsletter, Coach on Call, she posts a mid-year, June 30th life review. I think these are some fabulous questions to help keep me focused on my skills, talents, blessings, friends, and good-luck:
1.What hidden part of you have you awakened this year?
2. What positive changes have you made to your home or office?
3. Are you getting your creative needs met? How?
4. What changes have you made to better honor your integrity?
5. Have you added any small pleasures to your life? If so, what are they?
6. Have you forgiven yourself for something you did that’s been bugging you?
7. How have you taken better care of your body, your mind, or your heart?
8. How have you been a better partner, spouse, friend, or co-worker?
9. What have you done to help others improve the quality of their lives?
10. Are you letting things be easy?
While answering these questions, Cheryl suggests that you focus on the positive, not the negative. What is working? Acknowledge your successes to build your self-esteem. She says,
The greatest gift we give to humanity is our commitment to constantly raise our level of consciousness. Each week, as you take one simple step to live a healthier, more creative life, you do just that. This is important work and you deserve to celebrate your success.
Cheryl also has a Take Action Challenge which I wholeheartedly encourage every one to take part in:
Make a list of at least five positive changes you’ve made so far this year. Open a file on your computer right now labeled “My Success List” and put the five items on the list (add it to a prior list if you’ve done this before :). It’s extremely important to put this list in writing. By doing so, you send a message to yourself that you’re worth the time and energy. And, when your self-worth increases, the world responds accordingly. You become a magnet for better life experiences.
I am going to sit down and make my list right now, along with answering those mid-year, ten questions for myself. I am sure my dad is watching, and nodding his head right now, saying, “You did well. I am proud.”
What would you put on your list? Go ahead, share your success with us!
And while you think about it, take a look at my garden today.
Sorry. Got a little carried away! I hope you have a great - Write On Wednesday - day!
P.S. I have been so, so, remiss. I was thinking about this on the way home, and I have to add something. On the one hand, I think one has to have self confidence to perservere. It also helps to have a great support system that bolsters my self confidence, and I should have mentioned that. So, thanks to neighbors, friends, and family, for supporting me so well!
Stumble It!
