There is a tide in the affairs of men.
Which, taken at the flood, leads on to fortune;
Omitted, all the voyage of their life
Is bound in shallows and in miseries.
On such a full sea are we now afloat,
And we must take the current when it serves,
Or lose our ventures.
I read this when I was very, very young. Not that I was reading Shakespeare at that time (and I avoid him to this day, whenever possible… sorry). It came up in the context of poetry somewhere, but I can’t remember where. It imprinted, as animals do on the first ‘mother’ they come across, on my brain. These words of admonishment pop up from their little hiding place when least expected. When they appear, I know it is time for change. In 2007, I promised myself major metamorphosis before 2009 ended. I figured that gave me enough time to figure out what I wanted to do next, and the space to figure out a way to go about doing it. I am half-way through that timeline, and busily working towards the successful end. I think Brutus was talking about one tide, one time, one chance. My life has had many changes of tide, and I am grateful that I have always had the courage to take off on them. Of course ‘taking’ a change in course is not exactly an apt description. For desired change to occur, one normally has to work for it. At least, that has been my experience.
Yet for all of the joy, all of the experiences, all of the challenges, all of the people in my life, I feel there hasn’t been enough, and I am starting to worry about running out of time. It is a frightening feeling – I panic. I have to quickly slam that door shut, and open another.
Figuring out what I wanted to do next, on this new path I have laid for myself, was easy. I want to write, and I want to get paid to write, and I want to be able to write from anywhere I want, at whatever time I want. Okay, so much for that. Plan number two. I have been applying for various positions over the past year, testing the water, practicing, pondering. This week was crunch week for two different posts I felt I could do justice, and that I had a chance of at least interviewing for. But applications!!! What a pain. I like writing. I love writing. I can sit and write for hours and hours and hours. But this was not fun. Many, many questions requiring one page answers each. Blech!
The most difficult application is in. I am almost finished with the second. Then there were the letters of recommendation. More blech. Calling people, asking them the favor, picking up the letter. Time consuming is a major understatement. Now it is Friday, and I am looking at a four-day weekend during which I am going to indulge myself and pretend I write for a living, instead of filling out job applications.
And thus, here I am at the Friday Confessional, instituted by The Literate Kitten. Half of my writing confession is above. The rest follows. On a little trip to Savannah, Georgia in March, I began a new novel. I am now on page 166 – I wrote only two pages during the week this week, but most of my writing is done on the weekend, anyway. I find it difficult to write in the evening; there are too many distractions and just too many other tasks calling me (dog, laundry, refrigerator!). While the writing waits until the weekend, it is hard to keep an inspired thread going with that five day break in between. Now Friday is half over, and I am spending my free time writing this; the novel will have to wait for Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I hope by next Friday I can report another ten pages completed. Here ends the confession for the week.
